The Father, The Sun, and Molly Yoste

•September 13, 2011 • Leave a Comment

An old woman slowed her car to a stop on Prebble Lane to let a fat gray squirrel make its decision of whether or not to cross. It had just raided the Anderson’s bird feeder, fattening itself even more on dried sunflower seeds. The man in the truck behind her lived only a few houses down.

He could see his house, and his son on the porch, stewing, his adolescent hand gripping something behind the column. Eager to get home after ending the lease of his son’s vehicle and returning the shiny luxury, he waved his arms in frustration and cursed. Any other day he would have taken the moment to admire the woman’s compassion, but his son had disappointed him, and he hadn’t balanced out his thoughts of failure as a parent for giving the boy the privileges he’d never received.

Behind the truck, another car slowed and stopped. The three boys in the growling import street racer bobbed their heads to the beat of their music. A stream of pot smoke wafted over the flat brims of their cocked ball caps and through the open sun roof. The bass in their car thumped and pulsed through the man’s side view mirrors like the ripple from feet gently stepping into a shallow pool of water.

Molly Yoste slowed her van to a stop behind the Mitsubishi. On her way home from the pharmacy with a prescription for her newborn, she adjusted her rearview mirror to look back more intently on her sick infant. The child had kept her up all night warming bottles, checking thermometers, and wearing an impression in the carpet from the rocking chair in the baby’s room.

The sun was behind them beaming on the manicured lawns, reflecting off the slivers of water in dried out bird baths, shining off freshly cleaned windows-the showcase of a proud man’s labor. It sparkled the flecks of paint in the line of vehicles, drove waves of humidity from the tar 100 yards ahead, and forced the boy stalking toward them with his father’s rifle to squint.

Except for the father, nobody noticed the boy stalking across the front lawn with the rifle. They all focused on the squirrel or the passing joint or the infant coughing in its sleep. The boy took aim and jerked on the trigger.

The blood spatter woke the baby, crossing its face like a hot stroke of water from a sun warmed hose. It cried. The squirrel darted back into the Anderson’s yard and up the ancient Maple on their front yard.

The man lay across the seat of his truck, clutching the pistol he’d pulled from under the seat. He listened for the boys footsteps, his son coming to him. He thumbed the safety of the pistol, the world screaming at a pitch that deafened him. He thought of his own father and the ways that he had failed.

Recoil

•October 26, 2010 • 1 Comment

It’s been a long time since I have visited this site. Things have happened, and some things didn’t, but I’m back to spend more time in the ice shack, especially now that winter is approaching, and my wife is a much bigger source of encouragement for my writing than I am for myself. It’s because of these stories that I found her, and I am in debt to whoever or whatever was responsible for our chance meeting in a dive bar when I wanted nothing more than a beer and an idea for a new story. Instead, I met a woman who leveled me like a fucking shotgun blast when I first laid eyes on her. When my debtor comes to collect, they will be disappointed. My soul, which I would have gladly sold to the Devil, now belongs to her.

A story of mine, Closer, will appear in another New England crime anthology titled, Thin Ice, from Level Best Books. I hope you will all have a chance to read it when it is released in January 2011. Also, I will be including a few of my previously published works here for you to read or print and burn. Either way, stay warm and aim center mass.

PUBLICATION!

•June 1, 2010 • Leave a Comment

Circumference has been published on Thug Lit.

http://www.thuglit.com/zine/thug37/thuglit37.html

On Ecdysis

•April 15, 2010 • Leave a Comment

“I’ve been crawling on my belly
Clearing out what could’ve been.
I’ve been wallowing in my own confused
And insecure delusions
For a piece to cross me over
Or a word to guide me in.”

–from Forty six & 2 by TOOL

In 2006 I went to a Tool concert in Southaven, Mississippi. It was the first concert I had ever been to, and my experience with the music changed dramatically. Months later, I went to see Tool again in Cape Girardeau, Missouri. The songs have coiled themselves to my ribs, and I can’t escape them much like I can’t escape the insanity, as Bukowski called it, of writing. Each song by Tool delivers an overwhelming compulsion to understand the meaning of the lyrics. After long periods of sitting in dark rooms pounding the lyrics of Forty Six & 2 into my ears, my attempt to understand the song came out in the form of a story. Instead of analyzing and interpreting a conclusive meaning to the lyrics, I layered the emotions I felt from listening to the music onto the main character of Ecdysis, James. I attempted to match the tone of the story to Maynard’s solemn opening and the band’s steady tempo at the beginning, to its rising intensity throughout the song.

“I’ve been crawling on my belly
Clearing out what could’ve been.
I’ve been wallowing in my own chaotic
And insecure delusions.
I wanna feel the change consume me,
Feel the outside turning in.
I wanna feel the metamorphosis and
Cleansing I’ve endured within
My shadow
Change is coming.
Now is my time.”

–from Forty Six & 2 by TOOL

As the intensity of the song erupts into a demand for the desire to “evolve”, James, the main character in Ecdysis, is compelled to fulfill the promise he’s made to himself.

“See my shadow changing,
Stretching up and over me.
Soften this old armor.
Hoping I can clear the way
By stepping through my shadow,
Coming out the other side.
Step into the shadow.”

–from Forty Six & 2 by TOOL

Ecdysis can be read at Rose & Thorn Journal, Spring 2010 Issue. See blogroll.

PUBLICATION

•April 15, 2010 • 2 Comments

Ecdysis has been published online at the Rose & Thorn Journal. Rose & Thorn can be accessed via the link on the blogroll.

Easter Sunday: an excerpt from Nefarious

•April 4, 2010 • Leave a Comment

The following events took place on an Easter Sunday. Morocco Swain, the protagonist, and his partner Caleb are robbing a church being used to filter drug money by a dealer named Kenny Kavanagh.

I kept the apartment dark while I watched outside for Jones casing me. Caleb packed the tools and other essentials for the job. A pellet pistol, ice pick, two power drills with back up batteries, drill bits, mini sledge-hammer, two punch rods, flat bar, ski masks, an extra duffel bag, gloves, pepper spray, ASP batons, and voice controlled 2-way radio headsets. We scrambled into coveralls, loaded the truck and left.

Cigarette smoke filled the cab of my truck before we were half way there. Caleb cupped his hands over the cherry to keep them warm. He hadn’t exhaled anything but smoke. The coveralls were too small on me and bunched in the crotch and armpits. It wasn’t that bad until I had to turn the wheel to make a turn. Then, the small move became cumbersome. Headlights, black tar, yellow and white lines, and ice creeping from the snow banks on the shoulders were the only things on the road. When we got to the church, Caleb smoked another cigarette before we made our way through the woods.

At the edge of the woods we watched for movement until my knees began to ache. Caleb leaned against a small pine next to me scanning the buildings across the street. The windows of Pastor Robert’s house showed murky reflections of the iced-over tree branches outside. We skirted the edge of the light from the street lamp to the back of the church and squatted under the back window. Caleb moved to the edge of the building and watched around the corner while I stood up and shot a hole through the window with the pellet gun. The slapping sound of the discharge echoed against the trees and the back of the church. I put the ice pick through the hole and moved the latch enough to unlock the window. I slid the window up and crawled into the darkness.

Inside the church, I fit the earpiece of my two-way radio in and turned it on. Caleb inserted his then moved back to the edge of the woods and continued scanning. I sat beneath the window allowing my eyes to adjust and listened for anything outside. There was a picture on the wall but I couldn’t make out what it was. A picture of Jesus? Churches didn’t have many pictures besides that. The room was carpeted and smelled like damp cement. The safe was in the next room.

After a deep, solid breath, I tasted the mustiness in the room and moved through the door into the congregation area. The pews sat long and open like rows of coffins. The office door was locked. Before the door knob finished rattling I’d kicked the door open. Screws through the hinges ripped from the jam and the door wobbled backwards on the bottom corners and fell to the floor. Papers fluttered on the wall.

The drawers of the desk were empty except for a few scattered pens and pads of yellow legal paper. A picture of Roberts’ wife sat on his desk with a bible pushed up next to it. The safe was bolted to the floor along with the desk so I had to squat beneath it holding a pen light in my mouth. The pen light was cold and tasteless like something a dentist would use. Saliva seeped from the corners of my lips. After spinning the dial to the try out numbers, combinations pretty much universal with safe manufacturers and no luck, I clamped the drill brackets on the safe and started drilling into the lock face.

The first few seconds of the drill grinding instantly placed me inside the cold office of that restaurant where I’d taken down the first safe. What I thought about the first time I did a safe I began thinking about again—my father and the last time I saw him alive.

We had sailed the entire morning without speaking. The wind thudding into the sails and the slapping of the bow cutting the waves were the only sounds we heard. My father’s calloused hands and mangled fingers worked the helm to maneuver the boat between lobster buoys. I watched the sunlight shimmer off the sweat of his shoulders and freeze cones of light in the waves. At midday we dropped the sails and anchored off the Isle of Shoals. Seneca was only a few weeks old and my father needed the quiet. I shoved my face in a book by Celine until night came and the stars stabbed through the black skin of the sky.

He spoke then, only to point out constellations—a ritual we’d had when I’d been a kid. When I was a kid, though, he pointed them out through the fourth floor apartment window when we were poor and my mother spent nights cutting coupons waiting for his contracting business to take off and for him to marry her. He pointed out Ursa Major and Minor, Cassiopeia, Ares, and Orion, the great hunter killed by Scorpio. I would stare into the sky and follow his crooked finger as he pointed out every star. My father would catch me looking at his finger then curl it into his palm and push it into his pocket. I remembered he would only touch my mother with the back of his hands because that part was smooth and unharmed from how brutally he worked them. Me drilling that safe was the closest I’d ever come to know what his hands suffered.

My neck was cramping from being ducked beneath the desk. The tightness worked its way down the muscles along the edge of my spine. After a few short minutes I had the door open and was pulling stacks of cash from it. I’d hoped the safe was empty. Things would have turned out better. Kavanagh came to mind and the duffel bag grew with heft. Someone had tried to rob Kavanagh once. They ended up with their bones pulverized in a heap of garbage waiting to die.

I had one leg out of the church window ready to duck through it when headlights hit the trees behind the church.

Caleb whispered, “Heads up,” through my earpiece.

Tires crunched against the gravel. The tools in the duffel bag bit into my back when I rolled back inside the church. The sheriff’s cruiser was behind the church before I could reach up and shut the window. My heart pounded against my chest like it wanted to jump from my body and leave me there. Another pinch for robbery put my ass in a cell for ten to fifteen. The engine cut off and the lights went out. Confusion. Cops didn’t cut their engines off when they arrived on scene, but he was a county officer and in that area they were invalids. They couldn’t direct traffic with a working stop light. Kneeling, I peeked through the corner of the window.

“Bail,” I whispered.

“Fuck off. I’m not leaving. There’s only one.”

His gun cocked through the earpiece.

“Get the fuck out of here.”

The deputy’s uniform stretched open between buttons revealing an oval pattern with his white undershirt. He spun out of the driver’s seat and removed his jacket and gun belt. He placed them on his seat. A young girl climbed from the passenger side. Both of them got into the back seat of the cruiser. The girl shut her door. The deputy left his open. She opened his pants and went down on him. The girl was small and from the short distance, though the lighting was poor, she didn’t look like she could have been half way through high school. Sweat from my palms drenched my gloves.

I pressed my back against the wall. A wind picked up and came through the window whispering in the corners of the room. Skin chilled behind my ears where sweat had moistened. A grunt came from outside. The deputy’s shoes kicked over stones. A door closed. Footsteps moved around the car and the other door opened then shut.
“Son of a bitch,” Caleb said, slightly louder than a whisper.

“What?” I asked.

“He’s staring at the window.”

I felt like I’d been jawed and waiting for my brain to shake itself from the daze. The girl’s voice called, “Hurry the hell up. My father will kill me if he finds out I’m gone.” The deputy’s footsteps were quieter as he approached the window. Click. A light jumped into the room shining on the small canvas painting of Jesus’ crucifixion. He was looking down to his right and grinning. Despite his arms being stretched and his ribs crushed, the grin and the angle of his head looking down gave no sense of suffering. Instead, he seemed content in his fate as if those around him would suffer one much greater. It was a smile of revenge. My mind charged and I pulled the canister of pepper spray from my back pocket.

Pushing myself closer to the wall, I spread my legs apart so I was squatting and pulled the ski mask over my face. The circle of light grew smaller with each footstep until they stopped and the end of the Mag light poked through the open window. The deputy’s breath blew against the glass with a slow quieted wheeze. The light lowered and the deputy’s hand poked beyond the sill. The beam moved from the far corner of the room to the other and the deputy’s arm, up to his elbow, was inside the room. I figured, half hoped, it had been enough time for Caleb to move closer. I dropped the pepper spray and stood grasping the deputy’s forearm with both hands and yanked. His face came through the glass. He let out a yelp just before glass and wood shattered and splintered. Shards clanked against gravel.

The deputy drew back and dropped the Mag light to clutch his face. The light cart-wheeled over the sill and thumped against the carpet. A half-moon beacon shined at the wall below the window and blood had spattered on the carpet and baseboard. Caleb’s footsteps shuffled closer. He grunted before the signature smacking sound of the ASP baton against skull silenced the deputy’s groaning and he collapsed to the ground. The metal objects of his uniform tinged against small stones. I swept the broken glass from the window sill with the cash filled duffel bag and pulled myself from the building. Caleb was already moving towards the cruiser where the girl was sitting. I left the bags by the window.

Cuts and stripes of blood painted the deputy’s face and neck. His cheek  into his teeth from the weight of his head against the ground. His exhaled breaths pushed bubbles of blood through the corner of his mouth. His shirt was un-tucked and his arms beneath his torso at angles verging on fracture. His shoes  pointed in, and the cuffs of his pants  and pushed high on his calves. There were specks of blood on his white socks. My breath was hot against my cheeks as I breathed into the fabric around my mouth. Caleb was already pulling the girl from the car by her ankle. She hadn’t even noticed what had happened or what was going on until Caleb smashed out the cruiser window. She screamed and clawed and kicked but when he pulled, her body jerked from the car like a hand away from a burn. Her screams became whimpers and sobs as Caleb held her down.

I trotted to the car to take a set of handcuffs from the handle of the beacon light and ran back to the deputy. After cuffing him, I dragged him to his cruiser. The heels of his shoes made paths in the gravel that widened and narrowed in the shape of hour glasses. The second set of cuffs Caleb used to snap around the girl’s wrists. We opened the back doors of the cruiser at the same time and pushed the two bodies inside. The girl whispered “Please don’t kill me.” I took the shotgun and the deputy’s service revolver from the front seat and threw them into the shrubs. He should have never walked to that window without his pistol anyway. Caleb slashed all four tires while I went back to get the pepper spray I’d dropped and the duffel bags.

Celine

•March 5, 2010 • Leave a Comment

“The biggest defeat in every department of life is to forget, especially the things that have done you in, and to die without realizing how far people can go in the way of crumminess. When the grave lies open before us, let’s not try to be witty, but on the other hand, let’s not forget, but make it our business to record the worst of the human viciousness we’ve seen without changing one word. When that’s done, we can curl up our toes and sink into the pit. That’s work enough for a lifetime.”

-from Journey to the End of the Night

 
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